I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
