Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
