why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
