wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
