i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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