I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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