Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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