Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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