i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
