I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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