Already got asked if we're dating
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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