i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize