The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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