My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This baby is an asshole
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
