ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
