just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
