do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
