Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm too high and old for this...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
