Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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