she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
