I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
