Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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