He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
