Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
