Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
