party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
