I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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