how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
