I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
