I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize