Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
In America we eat man semen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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