so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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