Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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