the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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