I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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