I can text with my tongue
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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