If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
