I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
