Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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