So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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