Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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