I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
