My liver just broke up with me...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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