I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
