No stitches, just platelets and will power
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
