you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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