you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
