I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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