I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
