she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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