Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
