Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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