She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
