he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
