I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
