I'm so fucking centered right now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
