I must be too annoying 4 u.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
