You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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