I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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