goodnight i made you a song goodbye
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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