Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
