and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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