Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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