What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
