Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dick very happy bro
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
